Your eyes are not playing tricks on you. I am officially a Hall of Fame coach. I have won torunaments and I have a storied history. In what I hear you ask? (or I assume you have a mild interest) Well it is in the wonderful world of Toccer!
Toccer, a cross between Tennis and Soccer (or its proper name, football). The inner intricacies and the overall history of the great game can be found here and for further information here. I got into the game when I was working in America. (I am contractually obliged not to mention where I was working and say anything about it apart from that it was pretty good and that) The creator of the game, Ron Bronson, was my boss. He told me about the game and his thoughts about developing a mini-league.
This got me interested, mostly fuelled by my love of sport (especially obscure ones) and the film Baseketball. I agreed to be a coach. I suddenly found my calling.
I was given a team whos potential frankly was not up to much, we struggled early on, losing all of our league games. Luckily, (as those of you who are following the UFL are finding) there were only 4 teams in the competition and we made the semi-finals. Then the coaching magic kicked in, we turned into a defensive couter attacking strategy and pulled off a shock upset! I was pacing up and down the touchline lke a mad man, shouting tactical encouragement like "short throws!" "Get you hands on it!" and simply "Come on!"
The final rolled around all of about 10 minutes after the semi-final, I gave my team talk.
"Listen, we have made it to the final! That is an achievement in itself, given our league run. Now we are here though lets see if we can win it. Remember short throws and aim for the corners, and get in their face when they have the ball! Make yourself a hero, create history! Come on!"
I was expecting a rousing response, what I actually got was a "Ok then, lets go." Although lets face it, it wasn't exactly Al Pacino's inches speech. The details of the game are fuzzy. I remember a tense atmosphere, the fans from the stand looking on, the pressure, expectation! We won it! It was like when Brian Clough won the European Cup with Nottingham Forest!
I repeated this feat with another 4 teams. I am now one of the most successful coaches in the games history. I was inducted into the Hall of Fame.
The creator of the game, Ron Bronson said: "Sam Holdsworth is just a legend of the game, really. What's more isn't just his aptitude on the field, but his ability to develop what I believe is the best post-playing career ever. His coaching talents are unparalleled and I like to think of him as the Pop Warner of Toccer to make a gridiron football comparison. He's the sole reason I want to come back to (the place that can not be named due to contractual legality). To see how he can improve the game well into the future."
So as an ambassador of the game of Toccer. I urge you to pick up your racquets and tennis balls, your goal posts and cones (to mark out the box), and play! Become a legend yourself. Be just like, well, me.