Hello England, I have just returned to your grey and misty shores after spending a wonderful few months in the USA. I am happy to be back, however I was not so happy to be making my way back. Now I have made enough flights in my time to comfortably talk about a few don'ts thats you should follow, just to make your fellow passengers ordeal a little less painful.
So first thing, when walking either to or from the plane, don't randomly stop in the middle of the tunnel. This is something that pisses me off in shopping centres as well. Some of us, you may be surprised to hear, have places to go and walk a bit quicker than your lazy legs will carry you, now if you must stop, move to the side! Also if we bump in to you, because you stopped, dont turn around with your accusing eyes and blame us. You stopped its your fault!
Secondly, when sat on the plane, stay in your own seat. I do not appreciate awkward touches or your fat thighs bouncing over the seat into mine, its not a comfortable situation for me or for you.
Now here we go to the two big ones. First if you are not in a aisle seat, just ask if you need to get up. Especially if you are a larger person, dont just bowl out of your seat, break the person next to you's headphones into the machine leaving them with around 5 hours of a 7 hour flight without any entertainment whatsoever.
Finally, when on a longhaul overnight flight, do not leave your bloody reading light on all night!!! People are trying to sleep, and even if you are not, keep it off! If you did leave it on, don't wonder why the people surrounding you are grouchy, because unlike you arrogant southern prick, some of us have to make our way on 4 hours worth of trains in the morning and you have kept us up all night.
Anyway rant over, just follow this and everyone will like you and you will be a model passenger. If only more people could follow these and then I wouldn't constantly return from places pissed off!
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