Wednesday, 21 September 2011

Mr Personality

Now I have been back home for about a week and I am back on the fruitless quest that I started this blog doing; the quest for employment. Now I keep coming up against a particular assessment thats seems to throw a spanner in the works and prevents any chance I may have of completing this quest; the personality test.
Just to give you a progress report, I have been rejected 3 times already! One from a popular book store, a camp counselling agency, and, the one that inspired this blog, a popular high street chemist/beauty shop, of which their name is the same as the type of shoe you would describe a pair of wellingtons as.
Now the first part of the application process, the application form, was fine. I have no issues putting my relevant information and achievements on paper for an employer. The second part is where I become unravelled. As you can see here.
This seems to be a thing from the same people who brought you what type of learner you are (audio, visual, kinetic, stupid, hopeless, special etc.). It's a questionnaire that can tell the employer your personality by some kind of secret mathematical score, so they don't have to waste their time, you know, actually talking to you.
It has ambiguous statements such as "I like meeting new people" or "I am very decisive" and asks you to mark which is most like you, and it sets scenarios such as "If you needed to use the restroom at work would you? A) Follow the signs to the restroom B) Ask you manager where the restroom was C) Wander round the store aimlessly until you started to jump up and down because you are desperate D) Piss yourself in the middle of the store and ask a customer to clean it, claiming 'it's part of your disability'" You having to choose the most and least relevant ones.
Now, this may make me sound old, but what happened to employers who read applications, picked the one they liked then actually meet the person to see if they are alright. Also, as this job was a christmas temporary post, why is there so much importance for me to have all this experience becuase they only want me for up to 4 months anyway. Must be some high quality shelf stacking needed at that time.
Also, if I can't pass these tests does this mean I do not posess a personality? or do I have the wrong personality for a christmas job, or a job in general? I mean I have friends, or at least I think I do, and I can hold a conversation with other human beings, I even have hobbies and interests, and I would even on a super confident day go as far to say I am well rounded. Yet a souless, annoying, and tear-jerkingly boring computer (without its own personality last I checked) decides that I do not have the personality to work somewhere.
Frankly, I would rather have people deciding on if they liked me or not, rather than a plastic and metal carcinogenic piece of shit.

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